Chapter 14: Too Deeply Immersed in the Role

To the world, you may be only one person; but to one person, you may be the whole world...

Lu Huaining gave a faint smile. “Come here. I want to talk to you.”

They looked at each other with such tenderness that it seemed the world had narrowed to the two of them alone.

Old Madam Lu did not wish to intrude. She rose, stepped out of the hospital room, and quietly drew the door closed behind her.

Seeing the irrelevant people leave, Lu Huaining took the chance to pull Xue Zuining into his arms. He pressed a soft kiss to her eyelids and said domineeringly, “No more crying. Your eyes are swollen like walnuts. Cry them blind, and let’s see how you’ll count money then. My little money-grubber, I’ll be fine. Give me a little time.”

She heard his playful teasing, but could not smile. All she felt was a piercing ache. He pinched her cheek and went on, “But I don’t like a boss who looks like she’s been crying. If you want to stay by my side counting money, then rest properly, smile more, and don’t cry. Understand?”

His body was being tormented, yet he only wanted her to be happy.

“Mm.” Xue Zuining suddenly opened her arms and gently wrapped them around his waist, burying her face against his broad chest. “Huaining, I’ll be good to you from now on.”

“How good?” Lu Huaining stroked her hair, resting his forehead against the crown of it, and gave a soft laugh.

“Just very, very good...” In her heart, Xue Zuining made a quiet promise: she would love this man well, and include in that love all the part her mother had never had the chance to give.

Lu Huaining kissed her black hair. “I’m sleepy. Go tell Grandmother to get some proper rest. She’s always had a weak body, and she’s been worn out worrying about me. She mustn’t exhaust herself. You should rest early too. Sleep with me like you did last night. Maybe I’ll get better sooner.”

“Mm.” She kissed his brow and smiled faintly.

He let go and watched her rise, straighten her clothes, and leave the room for the outer sitting area. The door was not locked. Her gentle voice drifted back in fragments. He listened for a while, but in the end his drowsiness overcame him, and he fell into a deep sleep.

Now that Lu Huaining’s condition had stabilized and he was no longer bleeding repeatedly as he had the day before, Old Madam Lu’s taut nerves eased somewhat. The strength she had been forcing herself to maintain vanished like mist, and she was once again only a weary elder. After hearing Xue Zuining relay Lu Huaining’s concern, she felt much better and lay down on the sofa in the outer room. Xue Zuining had a nurse bring over a blanket. Only after the old lady had settled to sleep did she go back to Lu Huaining’s side. Old Madam Lu watched her retreating figure, silent and thoughtful.

That back was so familiar, as though it were Zhong Yilan’s from years ago.

After a quick wash, Xue Zuining returned to Lu Huaining’s side and lay down beside him. She carefully covered them both, looped her arm around his, and let herself be surrounded by his scent, feeling only warmth.

This man loved her, she knew it, and she did not want to let him down.

She could not sleep. Her fingers brushed gently across his face, then slid down along his neck until they came to rest over his stomach. She did not dare place the full weight of her hand there, afraid she might add to his discomfort. Holding her hand so tensely made her arm ache, but she did not want to move it away. She had suffered from stomach pain before. It had not been severe, yet it had been nearly unbearable. He had vomited so much blood; just how much pain had he been in?

At that time, he must have been thinking of her far away, yet she had been unable to feel the pain of the man she loved.

She did not know when she finally fell asleep. Early the next morning, when the doctor came in, he still had not awakened. She hurried up to let the doctor examine him, then washed her face and went out to buy breakfast for herself and Old Madam Lu. After they ate quietly, they went to check on Lu Huaining and saw that his complexion had improved somewhat, which lifted their spirits as well. Old Madam Lu turned to glance at Xue Zuining and said, “Miss Xue, come with me outside. We need to have a proper talk.”

There are some things one cannot avoid forever; what must be faced can only be met head-on.

At the words, Xue Zuining felt as though a thread had hooked around her heart and lifted it, swaying in the air. Secretly clenching her fist, she followed Old Madam Lu into the outer room of the ward and sat down opposite her.

Time slipped quietly by, yet both of them understood without needing to say so.

Someone of Old Madam Lu’s status was naturally accustomed to demanding exacting standards in all things. She had come in a hurry because of her worry for Lu Huaining, and had not even changed her clothes; they were wrinkled from sleep, and her complexion was not good. Xue Zuining feared that once the old lady had fully calmed down, she would find fault with her from every angle.

But by now, nothing could be changed by personal will alone.

Xue Zuining knew what first impressions meant to Old Madam Lu. Even without ever having met her before, she could already guess: when people dislike someone or something, they unconsciously magnify every flaw. She lifted a hand to smooth her hair, helplessly resigned. It had come to this; all she could do was respond to whatever came her way.

Yet Old Madam Lu’s gaze on her was unexpectedly calm, even carrying a trace of warmth. That surprised her.

Xue Zuining steadied her breathing and kept a proper smile in place, quietly waiting for the other woman to speak.

“Huaining told me everything yesterday. Many of the facts were far beyond what I expected. First, I owe you an apology for his shameful behavior, and also on behalf of the Lu family, I must apologize to you and your mother. Though I understand that what you suffered cannot be undone by an apology.”

Xue Zuining was somewhat startled, then replied, “This was not your fault. Having an elder apologize like this makes me feel very embarrassed as a junior.”

“It seems Yilan really did raise you well. She was always a generous woman; I was simply wrong about her.” Old Madam Lu sighed softly and said in apology, “It was this old woman who failed in discipline. In the past, I indeed neglected Huaining. The so-called marriage was only an outward shell, empty within. Moreover, I concealed the truth about his biological mother from him, so his father was always cold to him, and the woman who was his so-called mother was only warm in appearance. We were strict with the child, even harsh, demanding excellence in his studies and behavior. Admittedly, we did not give him the care a child needed. That he grew into such a cool, proud, and distant temperament—our guilt lies there.”

Xue Zuining lowered her eyes, remembering how he had once mentioned in passing that when he was ill as a child, he had to take his own medicine; the servants only watched the master’s mood and no one truly cared for him. Her heart tightened with a sour ache.

“I don’t want to interfere too much in the matter between the two of you. After all, as a grandmother, I only want my grandson to live well.” Old Madam Lu sighed deeply. Her gaze paused on the door to the inner ward before returning to Xue Zuining, where it settled intently. “Miss Xue, our two families once had a deep connection. I have done wrong before, and this time I think I cannot afford to be wrong again.”

When people grow old, even the heart grows old. No matter how much one struggles, it all becomes meaningless. What she longed for now was nothing more than the joy of a house filled with children and grandchildren.

Xue Zuining looked at Old Madam Lu with wide eyes, her heart pounding wildly. With such generosity, she did not even know how to respond, how to explain her four years of disappearance without a trace.

After a long silence, Old Madam Lu said, “I do not wish to revisit the rights and wrongs of the past. I also trust that you understand how difficult it is for the Lu family to stand where it does. Anyone in our position... but by any fair reckoning, you are innocent too. And besides, Huaining owes you; repaying that debt for a lifetime is his responsibility. Since he cannot live without you, I will not make things difficult for you in the future. I told you all this today only to say that your matter with Huaining still cannot be made public. Huaining’s engagement to Wanyi is still in place. If it were made known now, it would hurt all three of you. Consider it carefully before deciding on a course of action.”

Xue Zuining pressed her lips together. “I understand.”

Old Madam Lu sipped her tea, trying to settle the turmoil in her heart. After a while, she said again, “I heard that you are married.”

Xue Zuining was shocked, but could only nod. Seeing the chill that entered Old Madam Lu’s eyes, her heart gave a sudden jolt.

The gloom on the old woman’s face lasted only an instant before she regained her composure and warmth. Looking at her, she said, “I believe you must have your own reasons. I only ask that you do not hurt Huaining again.”

Xue Zuining thought for a moment, then answered, “I understand what you mean. Regarding my affairs, I will deal with them as soon as possible and not bring you unnecessary trouble.”

Old Madam Lu nodded. “If you need any help, just speak up. Huaining and I naturally will not stand by and do nothing. The Lu family may not be able to summon wind and rain, but we still have abilities worth trusting.”

“Thank you, Madam Lu.” Xue Zuining smiled in agreement, though it did not shake the convictions in her heart. For many things, this would be enough.

Old Madam Lu’s expression softened somewhat. “Miss Xue, if you want to walk forward with Huaining, there are still many things you must face. Family is one aspect. Huaining carries a great deal of responsibility, so naturally the woman beside him cannot be someone who only knows how to keep house and bear children. I am not asking you to possess the same power to command the whole situation as he does, but you must be able to enter his circle. Formal social occasions are not like the scenes in television dramas, where people merely show off jewels and gowns. Connections are built amid cups raised and wine exchanged. Leaders travel abroad with their wives; you have heard of the term ‘wife diplomacy,’ I’m sure.”

Thinking of her younger self, Old Madam Lu instructed her earnestly, “Improve yourself and support your husband. It may sound difficult, but if you do not, the distance between you and him will only grow wider. Two people may fall in love through a single moment of passion, but to last, it still takes cultivation. Life with Huaining will never be the sort of romantic, flower-and-moon existence young girls imagine of wealthy households. Be prepared.”

“I understand. Thank you for reminding me, Madam Lu.” If this had been four years earlier, Xue Zuining might have feared such a life. But now, she could face it in calm.

Old Madam Lu said, “For now, I’ll have to wrong you a little longer. Once Huaining has recovered, I’ll find a proper opportunity to make your relationship public. I’ll be busy for a while, so I’m leaving Huaining in your care. You may live together as a normal married couple and adjust to each other, to see whether you truly suit one another. I am reserving judgment for the time being, but I hope you understand my concerns. As an elder, I only want the child to be happy—and to stay happy, without any wild swings.”

Xue Zuining knew this was already a great concession from Old Madam Lu, and every word she had spoken was reasonable and beyond dispute. After careful thought, she smiled and said, “Please rest assured. Since I have decided to be with Huaining, I am naturally prepared to face any difficulties that may arise in the future. And I will do my best to improve myself, to stand beside him instead of hiding behind him and relying on his protection forever.”

“It is enough if you think that way. You’ve worked hard.” Old Madam Lu handed her the contact information. “If you need anything, call me directly. If that’s inconvenient, you can call the housekeeper.”

With that, Old Madam Lu went to look once more at her sleeping grandson.

If everything now was punishment for the wrongs of the past, then perhaps letting go was the best way to atone.