Chapter 12: I’m Getting Married

To the world, you may be only one person; but to someone, you are the whole world.

Lu Huaining gave a soft smile and said, “Come here. I have something to tell you.”

They gazed at each other with such tenderness that it seemed the world had shrunk to the two of them alone.

Lady Lu did not wish to intrude. She rose, went to the corridor outside the ward, and quietly pulled the door shut behind her.

Seeing that the others had gone, Lu Huaining drew Xue Zuining into his arms. He pressed a gentle kiss to her eyelids and said in a domineering tone, “No more crying. Your eyes are swollen like walnuts. If you cry yourself blind, how are you supposed to count money then? You little miser, I’m going to be fine. Give me some time.”

She heard his teasing, yet could not smile, only felt a deep ache in her heart. He pinched her cheek and went on, “But I don’t like a boss lady with puffy eyes. If you want to stay by my side and count money, then rest properly, smile more, and no crying. Understand?”

His body was being tormented, yet he still hoped she could be happy.

“Mm.” Xue Zuining suddenly wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his broad chest as she whispered, “Huaining, I’ll be good to you from now on.”

“How good?” Lu Huaining stroked her hair, resting his forehead against the crown of her head with a quiet laugh.

“Very, very good...” In her heart, Xue Zuining silently made a promise: she would love this man well, and love him with the share her mother had never been able to give.

Lu Huaining pressed a kiss to her dark hair. “I’m sleepy. Go tell Grandmother, and have her sleep well too. Her health is already poor, and she has worried herself sick over me. She must not tire herself out. You should rest early as well. Sleep with me like you did last night; maybe I’ll recover faster.”

“Mm.” She kissed his brow and smiled faintly.

He let go of her and watched as she stood up, straightened her clothes, and went out of the ward into the outer room. The door was not locked. Her soft voice drifted back in faintly, and after listening for a while, he finally gave in to sleep and sank into a deep slumber.

With Lu Huaining’s condition brought under control, and no further repeated bleeding as there had been the day before, Lady Lu’s taut nerves eased somewhat. Once the strain she had been forcing herself to bear vanished, she was simply an exhausted elder. After hearing Xue Zuining relay Lu Huaining’s concern for her, she felt much better and lay down on the sofa in the outer room. Xue Zuining asked a nurse to bring a blanket, and only after Lady Lu had fallen asleep did she go back to Lu Huaining’s side. Lady Lu watched her retreating figure, lost in thought.

That back was so familiar, as though it were Zhong Yilan’s from years ago.

Xue Zuining washed up briefly and returned to lie down beside Lu Huaining. Carefully covering them both, she held his arm and let herself be surrounded by his scent, feeling only warmth.

This man loved her. She knew it, and did not wish to fail him.

She could not sleep. Her fingers brushed lightly over his face, then followed the line of his neck downward, until they came to rest over his stomach. She did not dare let the full weight of her hand settle there, afraid it might put pressure on him. The strained position made her arm ache, yet she did not want to move it away. She had suffered stomach pain before; though it had not been severe, it had been unbearable. He had vomited so much blood—how much pain must he have endured?

At that moment, he must have been thinking of her, far away over thousands of miles, yet she had been unable to feel her lover’s pain.

She did not know when she had finally fallen asleep. The next morning, when the doctor came in, Lu Huaining was still not awake. She hurried to her feet and let the doctor examine him, then went to wash her face and buy breakfast for herself and Lady Lu. After the two of them ate quietly, they went to see Lu Huaining. Seeing that his complexion had improved somewhat, their moods lifted as well.

Lady Lu turned to look at Xue Zuining and said, “Miss Xue, come outside with me. We should have a proper talk.”

There are some things one cannot avoid forever; what must be faced must be faced head-on.

At those words, Xue Zuining felt as though a thread had lifted her heart into the air, where it swayed uncertainly. She clenched her fists quietly and followed Lady Lu into the outer room, where they sat facing one another.

Time passed in silence, yet each of them understood the other without speaking.

Lady Lu was a woman accustomed to standing above others, and naturally she held everything to exacting standards. Because she had been worried about Lu Huaining, she had not changed clothes since arriving, and her sleep had left her wrinkled and her complexion poor. Xue Zuining feared that once Lady Lu regained her composure, she would find all manner of things displeasing.

But by now, this was not something that could be changed by personal will alone.

Xue Zuining could sense Lady Lu’s first impression of her. Even before they had ever met, she understood how people magnify the flaws of those or things they dislike. She absently smoothed her hair. There was nothing to be done; she would just have to meet each move with a counter.

Still, Lady Lu’s gaze upon her was calm, even carrying a trace of warmth, and that surprised her somewhat.

Xue Zuining adjusted her breathing, kept a proper smile on her face, and waited quietly for the other woman to speak.

“Yesterday, Huaining told me everything. Many things truly came as a shock to me. First, I want to apologize for his shameful conduct, and on behalf of the Lu family, I want to apologize to you and your mother as well. Though I understand that the suffering you’ve endured cannot be made up for by an apology alone.”

Xue Zuining was slightly taken aback, then replied, “This was not your fault. I’m ashamed to receive an apology from an elder as a junior.”

“It seems Lan Lan really did raise you well. She was always a generous person; I was the one who misjudged her.” Lady Lu sighed, apologetic. “It was my old self who failed in teaching and discipline. In the past, I truly neglected Huaining. The so-called marriage was only a shell with no real substance, and at the time I concealed the fact that Huaining had been born of another woman. Because of that, his father was always cold toward him, and the woman who was called his mother only showed warmth in appearance. So I was strict with the child, even harsh at times, demanding much of his studies and conduct. To be fair, we did not give him the care a child needed. That he grew into the cold and aloof man he is now—our family bears the blame.”

Xue Zuining lowered her eyes, remembering how he had once mentioned in passing that when he was ill as a child, he had to take his own medicine; the servants merely watched the master’s mood, and no one truly cared for him. Her heart could not help but turn sour.

“I don’t wish to interfere much in the two of you,” Lady Lu said, sighing deeply. Her gaze lingered on the door to the inner ward before returning to Xue Zuining. “After all, as a grandmother, I only want my grandson to live well. Miss Xue, there were once many ties between our two families. I made mistakes before, and this time, I think I cannot afford to be wrong again.”

When one grows old, the heart grows old too. No amount of struggle matters anymore; what she now longed for was nothing more than the joy of a house full of children and grandchildren.

Xue Zuining looked at Lady Lu, eyes wide, her heart beating wildly. Faced with such generosity, she did not even know how to respond, how to explain her own years of disappearance without a trace.

After a long silence, Lady Lu said, “I no longer wish to dwell on the rights and wrongs of the past, and I trust you can understand how difficult it is for the Lu family to stand where it stands. Anyone would find it hard. But in fairness, you are innocent too. And as for Huaining, since he wronged you, it is his duty to repay that debt for a lifetime. The way he cannot bear to be without you—I won’t make things difficult for you in the future. I’m only telling you all this today because, for now, your relationship with Huaining cannot be made public. After all, Huaining’s engagement to Wan Yi still exists. If it were announced now, it would hurt all three of you. You should think it through carefully and then discuss what to do.”

Xue Zuining pressed her lips together and said, “I understand.”

Lady Lu took a sip of tea, trying to settle the turmoil in her own heart. After a while, she added, “I heard that you are married.”

Xue Zuining was startled, but could only nod. Seeing the cold edge in Lady Lu’s eyes, her heart gave a sudden jolt.

The shadow across Lady Lu’s face lasted only a moment before she quickly regained her composure. Looking at her kindly, she said, “I believe you must have your reasons. I only ask that you do not hurt Huaining again.”

After thinking for a moment, Xue Zuining replied, “I understand what you mean. I will deal with my own matters as quickly as possible and not cause you any unnecessary trouble.”

Lady Lu nodded. “If you need help with anything, speak up. Huaining and I certainly will not stand by and do nothing. The Lu family may not be able to command wind and rain, but we still have the means for you to trust.”

“Thank you, Madam Lu.” Xue Zuining answered with a polite smile, though it did not shake the resolve in her heart. For many things, this was enough.

Lady Lu’s expression softened a little. “Miss Xue, if you are going to walk this road with Huaining, there are still many things you must face. Family is one aspect. Huaining carries a great many responsibilities, and his partner cannot simply be a woman who stays at home, raising children and tending the household. I am not asking you to have the same control over everything that he does, but you must be able to step into his circle. Formal social occasions are not as television portrays them, just a stage for displaying jewelry and gowns. Connections are built amid clinking glasses and exchanged courtesies. Heads of state travel with their wives; you have heard of the term ‘spouse diplomacy,’ I assume.”

Thinking of her younger self, Lady Lu warned her, “Improve yourself, support your husband. It sounds exhausting, but if you do not, the distance between you and him will only grow wider. Two people may fall in love through a single moment of passion, but to last, a relationship must be maintained. A life with Huaining will never be the kind of romantic, fleeting existence a young girl imagines of wealthy households. You should prepare yourself.”

“I understand. Thank you for the reminder.” If this had been four years ago, Xue Zuining might have been frightened by such a life. But now, she had long since learned to face it with calm.

Lady Lu said, “For the time being, I will have to wrong you a little longer. Once Huaining has recovered, I’ll find the right opportunity to make your relationship public. I’ll be busy for a while, so Huaining will be in your care. You may interact normally as husband and wife and see whether you truly suit each other. I am reserving judgment for now, but I hope you can understand my concerns. As an elder, I only want the child to be happy—and to stay happy, without dramatic highs and lows.”

Xue Zuining knew this was already a tremendous concession on Lady Lu’s part, and every word she had said was reasonable and unassailable. After careful consideration, she smiled and said, “Please rest assured. Since I have decided to be with Huaining, I am naturally prepared to face whatever difficulties may come in the future. And I will work hard to improve myself, so that I can stand beside him, not hide behind him and rely on his protection forever.”

“That is good enough. You’ve had a hard time.” Lady Lu handed her a contact number. “If you need anything, call me directly. If that isn’t convenient, you can call the butler.”

Afterward, she went to look at her sleeping grandson for a while longer.

If everything that has happened now is punishment for the wrongs of the past, then perhaps letting go is the best way to atone.