Chapter 5 Etched into the Bone

To the world, you may be only one person;

but to one person, you are the whole world...

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Lu Huaining smiled softly and said, “Come here. I have something to tell you.”

Their gazes met with such tenderness that it seemed the world had dwindled to only the two of them.

Old Madam Lu did not wish to disturb them. She rose, walked out of the hospital room, and quietly pulled the door shut.

The moment Lu Huaining saw the unnecessary bystanders gone, he drew her into his arms. His lips brushed her eyelids gently as he said with overbearing fondness, “No more crying. Your eyes are swollen like walnuts. If you cry yourself blind, let’s see how you’ll count money then. Little miser, I’ll get better. Just give me some time.”

She heard his teasing, yet could not smile. Her heart only ached more. He pinched her cheek lightly. “But I don’t like a boss lady with puffy eyes. If you want to stay by my side counting money with me, then rest properly and smile more. No crying, understand?”

His own body was being tormented, yet all he wished was for her to be happy.

“Mm.” Xue Zuining suddenly wrapped her arms around his waist, gently holding him, her cheek buried in his broad chest. Softly she said, “Huaining, from now on I’ll be good to you.”

“How good?” Lu Huaining smoothed her hair, his chin resting near the crown of her head, and let out a quiet laugh.

“Very, very good...” Xue Zuining made the promise silently in her heart. She would love this man well, even with the share her mother had failed to give.

Lu Huaining pressed a kiss to her dark hair. “I’m sleepy. Go tell Grandmother to get some proper sleep. She wasn’t strong to begin with, and she’s worried herself sick over me. She mustn’t wear herself out. You should rest early too. If you sleep beside me like you did last night, I might recover faster.”

“Mm.” She kissed his brow and suddenly smiled.

He loosened his hold and watched as she stood, straightened her clothes, and walked out into the sitting room beyond the ward. The door was not locked. Her gentle voice drifted faintly in from outside. He listened for a while, but in the end he could not resist the pull of sleep and sank into a deep slumber.

Lu Huaining’s condition had stabilized. Unlike the day before, the bleeding did not keep recurring, and Old Madam Lu’s taut nerves relaxed somewhat. The energy she had been forcing herself to sustain vanished at once. Now she was only a weary elder. After hearing Xue Zuining relay Lu Huaining’s concern, her heart eased considerably, and she lay down on the sofa in the outer room. Xue Zuining asked a nurse to bring over a blanket. Only after the old lady had settled down to sleep did she turn back toward Lu Huaining. Old Madam Lu watched her retreating figure and fell into thoughtful silence.

That back looked so familiar, as though it were Zhong Yilan from years ago.

After a simple wash, Xue Zuining returned to lie down beside Lu Huaining. Carefully she covered them both, then held his arm. Wrapped in his scent, she felt only warmth.

This man loved her. She knew it, and she was even more unwilling to fail him.

She could not sleep. Her fingers gently traced his cheek, then moved down along his neck until they stopped over his stomach. She did not dare let the full weight of her hand rest there, afraid of adding the slightest pressure. Holding herself so tensely made her arm ache, but she could not bear to move it away. She had suffered stomach pain herself before. It had not been severe, yet it had been almost unbearable. He had vomited so much blood—how much pain must he have been in?

At that time, he must have been thinking of her from a thousand miles away. Yet she had been unable to sense the agony of the man who loved her.

She did not know when she finally fell asleep. Early the next morning, the doctors came in, and he still had not woken. She hurriedly got up to make room for the examination, washed her face, then went to buy breakfast for herself and Old Madam Lu. The two of them ate quietly, then went to check on Lu Huaining. Seeing that his complexion had improved somewhat, both of them felt lighter. Old Madam Lu turned to glance at Xue Zuining and said, “Miss Xue, come outside with me. We should have a proper talk.”

Some things could not be avoided. What had to be resolved could only be faced head-on.

At those words, Xue Zuining felt as though her heart had been lifted by a thread and left swaying in midair. Quietly, she clenched her fists and followed Old Madam Lu to the outer room of the ward, where they sat facing one another.

Time slipped by in silence, yet both understood without speaking.

A woman as exalted as Old Madam Lu naturally held everything to exacting standards. She had rushed here in her worry for Lu Huaining and had not changed clothes since arriving. She had slept in them, so they were rumpled, and her complexion was poor. Xue Zuining suspected that once the old lady calmed down, she would find countless things displeasing.

But at this point, nothing could be altered by personal effort alone.

Even before they had met, Xue Zuining had sensed what Old Madam Lu’s first impression of her must be. When people disliked someone or something, they unconsciously magnified every flaw. She lifted a hand and tidied her hair, resigned. Things were already as they were. She could only respond as best she could.

Yet Old Madam Lu’s gaze upon her was calm, even tinged with a trace of gentleness. That surprised her.

Xue Zuining steadied her breathing, keeping a composed smile on her face as she waited quietly for the older woman to speak.

“Yesterday, Huaining told me everything. Much of it was far beyond anything I had imagined. First, I must apologize for those shameful things he did, and on behalf of the Lu family, I must also apologize to you and to your mother. Though I understand well enough that what you suffered cannot be made up for by an apology.”

Xue Zuining was startled, then replied, “This is not your fault. For an elder to apologize to me like this—I feel deeply embarrassed as a junior.”

“It seems Yilan truly did raise you well. She was always a generous-hearted woman. It was I who misjudged her.” Old Madam Lu sighed, her voice full of regret. “It was my failure to discipline my family. In the past, I did neglect Huaining. What his father and that woman had was a marriage in name only, let alone the fact that I concealed the truth about Huaining’s birth mother. Because of that, his father was always cold toward him, and the woman he called mother only displayed affection on the surface. So we were very strict with the child—harsh, even—demanding of his studies and behavior. It is true that we did not give him the care a child needed. The cold and proud temperament he has now is our fault.”

Xue Zuining lowered her eyes, remembering how he had once mentioned, almost carelessly, that when he fell ill as a child, he had to take his medicine by himself. The servants only watched their masters’ moods; none of them truly cared for him. Her heart tightened painfully.

“As for the matter between you two, I do not wish to interfere too much. After all, as his grandmother, I only want my grandson to live well.” Old Madam Lu sighed deeply. Her eyes rested on the door to the inner ward for a moment, then returned to Xue Zuining’s face. “Miss Xue, our two families once had no small connection. I made mistakes before. This time, I do not think I can afford to make another.”

When one grew old, even the heart grew old. There was no meaning left in contending over everything. What she longed for now was only the joy of children and grandchildren gathered around her.

Xue Zuining stared at Old Madam Lu with widened eyes, her heart thudding wildly. Faced with such forbearance, she did not even know how to respond, much less how to explain her complete disappearance over the past four years.

After a long silence, Old Madam Lu said, “I do not wish to revisit all the rights and wrongs of the past. I trust you can understand the difficulties of a family in the Lu family’s position. Whoever one may be, if one speaks fairly, you too were innocent. Besides, Huaining wronged you. Even if he spends a lifetime repaying that debt, it would still be his responsibility. He cannot bear to be without you, and from now on I will not make things hard for you. The reason I am telling you all this today is only to say that your relationship with Huaining still cannot be made public. His engagement to Wanyi still stands. Once this is exposed, all three of you will be hurt. It would be better to weigh things carefully and discuss a plan afterward.”

Xue Zuining pressed her lips together and said, “I understand.”

Old Madam Lu took a sip of tea, trying to calm the chaos in her heart. After a long pause, she spoke again. “I heard... you are married.”

Xue Zuining’s heart jolted, but she could only nod. A glint of chillness flashed through Old Madam Lu’s eyes, and Xue Zuining’s heart jumped again.

The shadow on the old lady’s face lasted only an instant. Soon her composure and gentleness returned. Looking at her, she said, “I believe you must have your own difficulties as well. I only ask that you do not hurt Huaining again.”

After thinking for a moment, Xue Zuining replied, “I understand what you mean. As for my own affairs, I will handle them as quickly as possible. I won’t bring you any unnecessary trouble.”

Old Madam Lu nodded. “If you need any help, just say so. Huaining and I will naturally not stand by and do nothing. The Lu family may not be all-powerful, but we still possess abilities worthy of your trust.”

“Thank you, Madam.” Xue Zuining smiled in response, though her own convictions remained unchanged. Many things were best left just so.

Old Madam Lu’s expression softened further. “Miss Xue, if you are to continue on with Huaining, there is still much you will need to face. Family is only one part of it. Huaining bears many responsibilities. Naturally, the woman who stands beside him cannot be someone fit only to tend a husband and teach children. I am not asking that you possess his ability to command the whole field, but you must be able to enter his world. Formal social occasions are not like they appear on television—mere places to show off jewelry and gowns. Connections are built amid toasts and conversation. Even when leaders travel abroad, they bring their wives. You have heard the term ‘diplomacy by spouses,’ have you not?”

Recalling her own youth, Old Madam Lu offered her advice in a tone both earnest and cautionary. “Improve yourself. Support your husband. It sounds exhausting, but if you do not, the distance between you will only grow wider. Two people may fall in love through a moment’s passion, but if they are to endure, they must know how to nurture that love. Life with Huaining will never be the romantic, flower-and-moon sort of wealthy life young girls imagine. Prepare yourself for that.”

“I understand. Thank you for the reminder, Madam.” Four years ago, perhaps, Xue Zuining would have shrunk back in fear from such a life. But now she could face it calmly.

Old Madam Lu said, “For the time being, you must bear this grievance a little longer. Once Huaining has fully recovered, I will find an appropriate opportunity to make your relationship public. I will be rather busy lately, so I must rely on you to care for him. The two of you may get along in the ordinary way of husband and wife for now, adjust to one another, and see whether you are truly suited. I am reserving judgment for the moment, but I hope you understand my concerns. As an elder, I only wish for the child to live happily—and for that happiness to last, without violent rises and falls.”

Xue Zuining knew this was already a tremendous concession from Old Madam Lu. Every word she had spoken was reasonable and impossible to refute. After thinking carefully, she smiled and said, “Please rest assured. Since I have decided to be with Huaining, I have naturally already prepared myself to face whatever difficulties may come in the future. And I will work hard to improve myself, to stand at his side—not cower behind him, forever dependent on his shelter.”

“It is good that you think this way. You’ve worked hard. If you need anything, call me directly. If it is inconvenient for me, you may call the house steward.” With that, Old Madam Lu handed her the contact information, then went to look in on her sleeping grandson for a while longer.

If everything happening now was punishment for all the tangled right and wrong of the past, then perhaps letting go was the best form of atonement.