Chapter 2: The Ex Was a Bit of a Rake

Liu Bei’s memories of the late Han Dynasty began two years ago.

This was presumably when his predecessor—the previous transmigrator—had arrived in Liu Bei’s body. Let’s call him "Brother Lang," as he was both cowardly and reckless.

It was the fourth year of the Xiping era (175 AD). At the time, Liu Bei was fifteen. He had just finished his small business venture in Zhuo County, received financial support from his clansman uncle Liu Yuanqi, and was studying under the tutelage of Lu Zhi. It was an age perfect for development, and Lu Zhi’s school was a safe zone. The world had not yet descended into chaos, providing ample time for early preparations, and he had just secured some startup capital.

This was a standard transmigration opening. He could have easily followed the historical trajectory of Liu Bei: befriending heroes and growing his influence quietly.

But Brother Lang had no intention of doing that. He felt that if he were to follow the historical path—starting from nothing as a peddler and fighting his way to become Emperor—the difficulty would be too high. He did not want to endure the desperate life of the late Emperor Zhaolie of Han, who had fought his way from the northeast all the way to the southwest, carving a path across the entire map of the Han Dynasty. He only wanted to lie flat, play dead, and live as a wastrel. He preferred to be a minor official, the better to harass decent women.

The problem, however, was that lying flat in the Han Dynasty was not easy. Although Liu Bei was of noble birth, there were grades to nobility, and unfortunately, Liu Bei belonged to the lowest, unranked tier. There were simply too many descendants of Prince Jing of Zhongshan; if one really looked into it, the north was crawling with "Imperial Uncles," making the title worthless. Add to that the fact that Liu Bei was penniless and from a single-parent household—trying to lie flat in such a situation would only lead to a coffin.

Thus, he needed the capital to lie flat, such as… befriending Boss Cao Cao early on.

Yes, that was exactly what Brother Lang thought when he first arrived. In truth, that line of thinking wasn’t wrong. If one had no intention of restoring the Han Dynasty and only wanted to slack off, then befriending future power players like Cao Cao was indeed the right move. If he could use that connection to secure a worry-free minor post under Cao Cao, living as a do-nothing civil servant far from the battlefield, it would certainly be safer than fighting wars for a lifetime.

As it happened, Cao Cao was in Luoyang at the time. So, immediately after arriving, Brother Lang went to Luoyang. Cao Cao was twenty then, having just been recommended as a Filial and Incorrupt official and serving as the Northern Commandant of Luoyang. Brother Lang intended to make friends, believing he knew what Cao Cao liked. He spent all his money to treat Cao Cao to wine and song, even booking a private room at a music house.

But upon reaching the Northern Commandant’s office, he found he couldn't even get through the door. He gave his name as Liu Bei of Zhuo Commandery and claimed to be a student of the Governor of Jiujiang, Lu Zhi, but the gatekeeper didn't even bother to report him, treating him like a beggar. This was indeed reckless; the Northern Commandant was one of the six regional commanders of Luoyang, a member of the capital’s police force, and naturally, they wouldn't pay attention to a fifteen-year-old minor. Besides, why would someone like Cao Cao, a top-tier "second-generation official" and a court officer of the capital, entertain a "three-nothing" youth with no family status, no reputation, and no background?

It wasn't that Brother Lang lacked self-awareness; it was just that, having just transmigrated, he subconsciously treated Liu Bei and Cao Cao as equals.

After realizing his ideological error, Brother Lang adjusted his strategy. If he couldn't enter the office, he would linger in Luoyang and "accidentally" encounter Cao Cao when he got off work. Flirting, after all, didn't require equal status—just a thick skin.

By the afternoon, Brother Lang did indeed "encounter" Cao Cao as he wished—and they actually spoke.

Cao Cao: "Who goes there, roaming the streets at night?!"

Brother Lang: "I am Liu Bei, here specifically to wait for Brother Mengde..."

Before he could finish, Cao Cao interrupted: "Knowing my name, you should know the penalty for violating the curfew! Guards, seize this big-eared thief!"

And so... he was beaten half to death by Cao Cao with the "Five-Colored Stick" for violating the curfew. Brother Lang knew Luoyang had a curfew, but he never expected it to start just after the You hour—barely five in the afternoon, while it was still broad daylight. The curfew in Luoyang ran from the You hour to the Mao hour, regardless of whether it was dark or not.

Of course, Brother Lang did manage to get to know Cao Cao as he wished. After being personally beaten to a pulp by him, the acquaintance was certainly profound. After the thrashing, Brother Lang was thrown out of Luoyang with a complimentary piece of advice from Cao Cao: "Seeing that you are young, I will let you go this time. Behave yourself; if you violate the law again, I shall have you flogged to death!"

Cao Cao wasn't trying to scare him; he had actually gone easy on him. But after being thrown out of the city, Brother Lang checked his pockets... his money was gone. He had been fleeced, which explained why they let him go. He couldn't build connections in Luoyang anymore, and having learned his lesson, the embarrassed Brother Lang returned to Lu Zhi’s academy.

Come to think of it, no matter how embarrassed he was, he was at least a noble, which was better than a commoner—he was at least qualified to study. But in these times, studying away from home was expensive. Lu Zhi’s academy was located in Gou’shi County, fifty miles east of Luoyang. Since the seven commanderies of Henan had suffered flooding in the fourth year of Xiping, Gou’shi was severely affected, and grain prices were ridiculously high. A *hu* of rice cost ten thousand cash, a hundred times the price of a bountiful year.

When his clansman uncle Liu Yuanqi heard that Brother Lang had squandered all his money on pleasure in Luoyang and had been beaten for breaking curfew, he declared that he had misjudged him and refused to support him further. With his money gone and no support, Brother Lang nearly starved to death. Fortunately, he ran into Gongsun Zan, who was also a transfer student at Lu Zhi’s school. Brother Lang quickly latched onto him, finally getting a bite to eat.

But, there was a catch. Gongsun Zan was not like Liu Yuanqi. Liu Yuanqi’s support was an act of kinship and kindness, something that could be repaid later when he was wealthy. But eating Gongsun Zan’s food meant paying interest immediately. After all, a relative and a boss were different; Gongsun Zan was fierce, short-tempered, and had the personality of a gang leader who tolerated no refusal. Consequently, Brother Lang was forced to become Gongsun Zan’s lackey.

Although the historical Liu Bei had served Gongsun Zan like an older brother, that was a genuine friendship between fellow students. Brother Lang’s situation, however, was that of a boss and a henchman. His life trajectory gradually went off the rails.

Gongsun Zan’s task for him was to secretly rob merchants, as Gongsun Zan was also short on cash. The historical Liu Bei was also a roaming knight in his youth, but he had spent his time befriending heroes and acting with generosity, accumulating a great reputation. Brother Lang, however, was forced by Gongsun Zan to commit crimes everywhere. Though he only took money and goods and didn't hurt people, he was no longer a knight-errant. He was a bandit. He even earned a bandit moniker—"The Big-Eared Thief." He usually wore a black scarf while committing crimes, revealing only his large ears, hence the name.

Eventually, merchants began sending gifts to Gongsun Zan to settle things. As long as they flew Gongsun Zan’s banner, they could travel safely through the Gou’shi area without being robbed. Gongsun Zan earned a great deal of money and reputation, becoming a "big brother" whom the youths of Luoyang scrambled to befriend.

Once on this pirate ship, it was hard to get off. Every day, Brother Lang felt that he was in danger and wanted to quit his life as a lackey, fearing that if he slipped up, he would lose his life, and that Gongsun Zan would worry about him leaking secrets. But Gongsun Zan’s cousin, Gongsun Yue, was always watching him. Besides, with no money, would he eat dirt if he ran?

Not long after, a wealthy merchant passed through without paying the "road toll," and Gongsun Zan sent him and Gongsun Yue to rob the caravan. The merchant was decked out in gold and silver, and Brother Lang thought he would steal the loot and run away. But the job was botched because of his divided attention. The merchant was a subordinate of Yuan Shao, and his guards were formidable. While acting, Brother Lang intentionally struck at Gongsun Yue from behind to facilitate his own escape. Gongsun Yue died, and Brother Lang was captured.

Fortunately, he was caught by Yuan Shao’s men, and fortunately, Gongsun Zan didn't know that Brother Lang had killed Gongsun Yue from behind. Since the Yuan family merchant hadn't lost any goods and no one else was hurt, and Yuan Shao was busy crafting a persona of benevolence and righteousness, he didn't take Brother Lang’s life for the sake of Lu Zhi, instead sending him to the Luoyang jail. He didn't implicate Gongsun Zan because he didn't want anyone to know the cause of Gongsun Yue’s death—otherwise, Gongsun Zan would surely kill him.

Gongsun Zan, relying on his accumulated wealth and reputation, joined the service of Grand Tutor Liu Kuan and returned to You Province to serve as an official. Brother Lang was expelled from Lu Zhi’s school and ate prison food in the Luoyang county jail. Unfortunately, because Yuan Shao and Cao Cao were close, Brother Lang fell into the jurisdiction of the Northern Commandant, Cao Cao...

Cao Cao was a hot-blooded youth at the time, and having warned him before not to break the law, he kept a tight watch on him now that he was confirmed to be a thief.

At the time, the Emperor had issued an edict allowing prisoners to pay for their crimes with silk or labor. By chance, Brother Lang possessed Liu Bei’s memories and knew how to weave fancy straw sandals, so Cao Cao had him sent to the Luoyang music house to weave sandals for the performers. The music house was essentially a brothel, though not for prostitution, but for singing, dancing, and performing—much like the "influencer" base of the Han Dynasty. Cao Cao loved one of the influencers there and went to listen to her perform every day. She was surnamed Bian, a native of Langya, and of the same age as Liu Bei.

To get Cao Cao to release him, Brother Lang grew close to Lady Bian, hoping she would put in a good word for him. But one thing led to another, and they nearly caused a scandal—Liu Bei was much better-looking than Cao Cao, and every time he saw Lady Bian, he would sweet-talk her, and she actually started to develop feelings for him. But