Chapter 36: The Stingy Da-Fu, the Old Pixiu.

Lin Dafu paced back and forth, his heart heavy with reluctance over the figures on the financial report. After walking for a long time, he still could not let it go; he picked up the report once more, his eyes bulging like brass bells as he scrutinized it over and over again.

To him, the contents of that report seemed to spell out only two dark, ominous words: "Financial Ruin!" Every expenditure felt as if someone were taking a sharp blade and carving a piece of flesh from his body—a pain that reached deep into his marrow. He knew that if things continued this way, he would surely spend another night battling insomnia.

He sighed helplessly, instinctively stroking his round, bulging belly as if to find some comfort and calm his chaotic mind. However, his composure lasted only a moment before a shout from outside rang out like a thunderclap: "Chairman, Mr. Qi is here to see you!"

At the mention of "Mr. Qi," Lin Dafu jumped as if a mouse had spotted a cat. "Tell him I’m not here! I need to find somewhere to hide!" he said in a panic. Each of Mr. Qi’s previous visits had cost the Chamber of Commerce a fortune. In Lin Dafu’s mind, this fellow had long been blacklisted as the person he detested most, bar none.

But no sooner had the words left his lips than Mr. Qi’s familiar, loathsome voice echoed from the doorway: "You fat pig, trying to hide? Where do you think you can go? I am the Grand Tutor of the Imperial Court; if you dare hide from me, I shall have you charged with a crime!"

Lin Dafu was incensed. Suppressing his rage so as not to disturb the others in the office, he stormed out and slammed the door shut with a loud *bang*. He told himself that he was, after all, a brave man, and he must learn to face his fears. But when his furious gaze met Mr. Qi’s fox-like, smiling eyes, his courage vanished like a punctured balloon.

"Old Qi," he said with a sigh of resignation, "let’s drop the nonsense. Just tell me: how much money do you want? Please, spare me the schemes." At this moment, Lin Dafu felt like a lamb waiting for the slaughter, stripped of all defenses.

Mr. Qi, however, remained unhurried. He reached out and pinched Lin Dafu’s fleshy cheek, grinning playfully. "Relax, you fat pig. I’m not here for money this time. I’ve come bearing an oral decree from His Majesty."

"The Crown Prince—oh, no, His Majesty’s oral decree?" Lin Dafu stared at Mr. Qi, his eyes filled with suspicion. He wondered if this man was playing some new trick. Mr. Qi, feeling slightly guilty under that skeptical gaze, gave a dry cough.

"Enough, stop doubting me. How many lives do I have to risk forging a decree from His Majesty?"

Lin Dafu thought it over and decided that Mr. Qi likely didn't have the nerve for that, so he relaxed slightly. "What does His Majesty have to say?"

"His Majesty says he is getting married, and you are to prepare the betrothal gifts. Take out those treasures hidden at the bottom of your chests—don't be stingy. If you are, His Majesty has ordered me to skin you alive myself and deliver the hide to him," Mr. Qi said, enunciating every word.

Lin Dafu’s eyes widened in shock. "What? His Majesty is getting married?" He was stunned for a moment before he reacted. "You just blurted out the oral decree like that? Do I not need to kneel to receive it?"

Grand Tutor Qi looked at him as if he were an idiot. "Enough with the theatrics. Kneel when a formal imperial edict arrives. Come on, take me to the vault. I’m going to pick out some fine items."

At the mention of the vault, Lin Dafu bristled like a cat whose tail had been stepped on. "No! You cannot go to the vault! How could I be stingy about His Majesty’s wedding? Don’t worry! I will certainly bring out some quality goods!"

"Besides, everything in the vault belongs to His Majesty! I am merely the caretaker! Does the decree specifically authorize you to enter the vault? If not, don't even think about it!"

Seeing Lin Dafu’s nervous state, the corners of Mr. Qi’s mouth curled into a mysterious smile. "Do you think His Majesty would disagree with me entering?" As he spoke, he reached into his robe, revealing the corner of something bright yellow.

When Lin Dafu saw that imperial yellow, his face turned ash-gray. "You! You shameless scholar! You actually got a written imperial edict from His Majesty! You are truly shameless!"

Mr. Qi shrugged, looking entirely indifferent. "Yes, I am shameless. What of it? I am the Grand Tutor of the court! What can you possibly do to me?"

Watching Mr. Qi’s brazen behavior, Lin Dafu was filled with a helpless, impotent rage. He knew deep down that in terms of merit, no one surpassed this shameless scholar. Conceding defeat, he sighed, "Fine. Follow me to the vault."

"But let it be known! You are not to take whatever you please! You must follow my instructions! Otherwise, I’m quitting! I’ll leave you all to starve!" This was his only way to flail about and attempt to salvage some semblance of control.

Seeing Lin Dafu’s state, Mr. Qi offered some hollow comfort: "Relax, you know what kind of person I am, don't you? You fat pig! When I handle things, you can rest easy, understand?"

Lin Dafu muttered under his breath, "It’s precisely because I know you that I have to be on guard! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have to defend myself at all!"

"What are you muttering about? Come on, lead the way to the vault. I need to pick the gifts so I can write a memorial to report back to His Majesty!" Mr. Qi complained. "Do you have any idea? By the rules of Xianyang, I’m already off the clock! Do you know how long I work in Chang’an every day? Ten hours minimum! You fat pig, living in luxury here in Xianyang, yet you complain and drag your feet!"

Hearing that Mr. Qi worked so hard in Chang’an—ten hours a day, no less—a glimmer of joy actually welled up in Lin Dafu’s heart. Viewed in that light, he truly was the one living the easy life. With that realization, he led Mr. Qi toward the vault.

Looking at the vault, Mr. Qi asked with a puzzled expression, "Fatty? Is something wrong with you? Six locks on one door? Don't you find that troublesome?"

Lin Dafu gave him a look of disdain. "Don't challenge my profession with your bookish knowledge! This is nothing! I’ve added eight more doors and ninety-three locks behind this one!"

Mr. Qi was utterly speechless. He thought to himself that this fellow was truly the stingiest man alive; his surname was certainly well-earned.

After half an hour of effort, the vault door was finally opened. Lin Dafu hurriedly pulled Mr. Qi inside, then skillfully closed the door and locked it from the inside. Mr. Qi stared at the internal lock in shock. "Are you serious? You installed a lock *inside* the vault? Who puts a lock on the inside of a vault?"

"Never mind that. His Majesty once said: safety first, especially when it comes to money."

"Enough, stop bickering! Look around and pick what you want so you can leave! The sooner you’re done, the better. Your presence makes me feel physically ill!" Lin Dafu snapped impatiently.

Watching Lin Dafu’s pained expression, Mr. Qi pulled a face, which only made the merchant feel even worse. After the commotion settled, Mr. Qi turned his attention to the vault. Seeing the dazzling array of treasures filling the room, he turned to Lin Dafu in astonishment: "Are you a *pixiu*? How can you hoard so much?"